The 30 day OTP challenge: Bottom
by bookwormgirlLH
Summary: This is my entry for the 30 day OTP challenge, using Eddie and Richie as my One True Pairing. A collection of Eddie/Richie oneshots.
1. Chapter 1: Holding Hands

Richie and Eddie are my One True Pairing, so when I found it, I decided to use them to do the 30 day OTP challenge.

Please review or PM me with what you think about it!

Prompt 1: Imagine your OTP holding hands

* * *

It was just another boring evening in Hammersmith, and the flat was silent - at least until Richie Richard spoke, for he had never been a person to keep his mouth shut.

"Come on, Eddie, talk to me." Richie pleaded, sitting down on the armchair and looking at Eddie, who blanked him.

Eddie Hitler sat hunched forwards in his seat, jaw clenched, trying to watch the telly without Richie distracting him. He knew that Richie spent most of the day alone, and just wanted a chat, and most days he was happy to talk. But today, Eddie was feeling particularly antisocial, and just wanted to watch Emmerdale Farm in peace, which was why he was trying his up most to ignore Richie.

"Please, Eddie, I only want to know how your day went." Richie whined, and, in an attempt to make Eddie notice him, he walked over to the telly, suddenly switching it off.

"Richie!" Eddie screamed. "Leave me alone! Turn the telly back on or I'll stick your head up your bum!" Holding his hand up to his face so he couldn't see Riche, Eddie turned the telly back on himself, quickly getting reabsorbed in the programme.

Richie looked put out; he sighed heavily and wandered into the kitchen. He hated Eddie when he was like this - one minute being a romantic, caring boyfriend, but the next being aggressive and grumpy. Sighing again, Richie decided to leave Eddie alone, and make him a cup of tea for when he snapped out of his mood. Flicking his hair out of his eyes, Richie filled up the kettle and switched it on, before leaning against the unit as he waited for it to boil. He looked over at Eddie, who was making no attempt to apologise, and looked away, feeling hurt - what had he done wrong?

The kettle whistled and Richie hurriedly switched it off in case the sound hacked Eddie off further,, before beginning to pour the boiling water into the mugs. But as he tipped the kettle, its lid slipped and water poured all over Richie's right hand. He screamed, dropping the mug and kettle and jumping backwards to stop them landing on his feet.

"Richie!" Eddie cried as he heard the scream, and he rushed over to where Richie was doubled over, holding his arm out awkwardly, lips clamped together to stop himself sobbing. "What happened?"

"M-my hand." Richie struggled to breathe, for his breaths were rapid and ragged, showing Eddie the hand, which was bright red and tender with burns.

Eddie gasped, and pulled Richie by the wrist to the sink, where he ran Richie's burned hand under the tap. Richie sighed with relief as the cold water cooled his previously burning skin, and looked at Eddie.

"Are you talking to me yet?" He asked.

Eddie took hold of his left hand, squeezing it tightly. "Yes, Richie. I'm sorry."

"I am too." Richie smiled weakly, still in pain, but much happier now he knew Eddie wasn't pissed off with him any more.

Eddie chuckled slightly. "I don't know what it is about you, Richie, but somehow, you look adorable."

Richie blushed, looking down, but Eddie, letting go of Richie's hand, took hold of his chin and made him look up, before giving him the softest kiss. Richie felt himself start to sweat, and looked away again, heart pounding.

"I think your hand should be okay now." Eddie said ten minutes later, and he led Richie by his good hand to the sofa, where he carefully bandaged his hand up. Despite his attempts at being gentle, Eddie managed to touch the scalds several times, each time making Richie wince. When he'd finished, leaving Richie looking like he was wearing a glove, Richie gave him a grateful kiss on the cheek, and rested his head on Eddie's chest as the pair of them watched the rest of Emmerdale Farm, together.


	2. Chapter 2: Cuddling

Prompt 2: Imagine your OTP cuddling

* * *

"Ooh!" Richie squealed excitedly as heard the phone ring. He was, as usual, bored, and as the phone ringing was a rarity, this was defiantly something for him to get excited about. Running out of the bathroom, still trying to do up his zip, Richie hurtled into the living room, and picked up the telephone. "Hello?"

He heard a female, Asian voice speaking to him, and immediately wondered who she was. "Can I speak to Richard Richard, please?" She asked, a twinge of urgency in her voice.

"That's me." Richie replied cockily, grinning confidently although she clearly couldn't see him.

The woman sighed, not wanting to say this." I work at Hammersmith hospital, and I am sorry to tell you that your mother has died of-"

Richie couldn't believe it - his mum was dead! He was an orphan! "WHAT!" He yelled.

"She died of a stroke, Mr Richard." The woman continued. "I was the one resuscitating her, but I couldn't restart her heart. I'm sorry." All she could hear was irregular, rapid breathing, and worried that Richie was hyperventilating. "Take deep breaths, Mr Richard, and try to calm down-"

"How can I calm down, you stupid bitch!" Richie screamed, "My mother is DEAD!" And he slammed down the phone, still reeling from the news. He wanted to cry, but all Richie felt was emptiness, a hideous, hollow sensation in his chest. He hadn't seen his mum since his thirtieth birthday, but Richie loved her - she was the only family member he had left, and now she was gone too. Richie wanted Eddie, and, knowing his boyfriend was at the Lamb and Flag, he grabbed his coat and headed out, unable to wait until Eddie came home.

Richie kept his hands in his pockets and his head down, ignoring everyone and everything he noticed, only looking up to search for Eddie once he entered the pub. He saw Eddie over at the bar, and hurried over. "Eddie." He said softly, and Eddie spun round as he heard that familiar voice.

"Richie? What are you doing here?" Eddie asked, but didn't get an answer; Richie burrowed his head into Eddie's chest, hugging the bald man ad tightly as he could, finally able to cry.

Dick Head, Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog all stared at Eddie, shocked to see Richie sobbing his heart out into Eddie's chest.

"Ok, lads," Eddie began, realising he had to get this over with. "Richie's my boyfriend, if you don't like it, bugger off." He said calmly, rubbing Richie's back.

"I'm fine with it." Dave shrugged.

"Yeah, me too." Spudgun agreed.

"As long as you don't act too much like a couple in my pub, I don't really care." Dick smiled slightly - he would never ban Eddie from his pub, the alcoholic bought fifty per cent of all the drinks he sold.

Eddie walked awkwardly over to a table at the back of the pub with Richie still attached to him, and sat down, pulling his crying boyfriend onto his lap. Noticing people looking at them, Eddie frowned at them, looking so intimidating that everyone turnd away, not wanting to provoke Eddie into a fight. Richie pulled away from Eddie after about ten minutes solid sobbing.

"I-I'm sorry, Eddie, but I had to see you." He sobbed, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"It's alright, mate, don't worry about it." Eddie said soothingly, putting his arm around Richie's heaving shoulders. "My friends don't mind." He paused, just looking at Richie's tear-stained face. "But what happened, Rich?"

"My mum's dead." Richie whispered, tears trickling down his face again. "I'm all alone." He started howling again, causing everyone in the pub to turn around and look at him.

Eddie leaned forwards until he was whispering right in Richie's ear. "You've got me." He pulled Richie into a hug again, resting his chin on Richie's greasy, partially receding hair, and Richie reached up to kiss him, wiping his tears all over Eddie's face.

"Oi!" Dick called fondly across the pub, pretending to be annoyed. "Get a room!"

They stopped kissing, but for the rest of the day, Eddie kept his arm around his boyfriend, giving him tissues, until, finally, Richie didn't have any tears left to cry.


	3. Chapter 3: Playing videogames

Prompt 3: Imagine your OTP playing video games/ watching a film

* * *

Richie came running out of the kitchen as he heard the front door slam, still wearing his apron. He was bubbling with anticipation, for Eddie had told him he was getting them 'a treat' for the evening, and multiple possibilities were running through his mind. As he entered the hallway, Richie saw Eddie holding a large cardboard box, and he squealed excitedly, the sound rather high-pitched for a male voice.

"What is it, Eddie?" He babbled, a slightly insane grin on his already sweaty face.

Eddie grinned, loving it when Richie got over excited, for he looked totally ridiculous. "This, Richie." Eddie paused for suspense, watching Richie bounce on the balls of his feet.

"Yes?" Richie said urgently, shaking his head slightly to get his hair out of his eyes.

"This," Eddie repeated, "Is a PlayStation, Richie."

Richie stared at Eddie, who looked back at him expectantly, clearly waiting for Richie to say he loved it. But Richie didn't know what a Playstation was, and as the look of confusion crossed his face, he saw Eddie's fall.

"Don't you like it?" Eddie asked, disappointed. "For God's sake, Richie, this cost me the telly rent money!" He yelled, "You could at least be pleased." He threw the box on the floor, immediately regretting it as the box rattled, sounding like it's contents were broken.

"I'm sorry, Eddie." Richie said nervously, crouching down to pick up the box. "I appreciate it - but I don't know what it is."

Eddie looked down at Richie, understanding now - Richie wasn't being ungrateful, he genuinely was too thick to know what the 'treat' was. He shook his head at his boyfriend in disbelief. "It's a games console, Richie." He couldn't help his voice sounding very patronising, but Richie didn't pick up on it.

"Oh." He said, understanding. "So you play games on it?" He asked, getting to his feet and holding out the box to Eddie.

Eddie took it, and headed into the drawing room, "Yes, Rich."

Richie followed and sat down on the sofa, watching Eddie unpack the PlayStation from its box. Eddie pulled a cable out and stuck one end of it into the back of the telly, the other plugging into the PlayStation.

"What are you doing now?" Richie asked curiously as Eddie plugged the controller into the console, fascinated by the technology he hadn't seen before. Eddie ignored him, and switched on the telly, fiddling with the settings until the word 'PlayStation' appeared on the screen.

He sat back on his haunches, "Tadah!" He cried dramatically, turning to face Richie, who was looking excited again. Stuffing his hand into his pocket, Eddie pulled out a Pacman case and, opening the disk drive, inserted the disk. Taking the controller with him, Eddie sat down on the sofa next to Richie, and grinned at him. "OK, Richie, watch me and I'm sure you'll pick it up in no time." He said reassuringly, and hit the PLAY button.

Richie watched the highly pixellated yellow figure on the screen darting around and avoiding the different coloured blobs - which Eddie told him were ghosts - before looking closely at the way Eddie's fingers moved the mini joystick and pressed the buttons with ease, wondering why Eddie was so good at it. It took fifteen minutes for Eddie to lose the game, by which point he had set a new record on the game - which was obviously pre-owned. Trying not to look chuffed, Eddie handed Richie the controller.

Within seconds of starting the game, Richie ran Pacman straight into a ghost three times in a row, and GAME OVER appeared on the screen. Richie looked from the screen, to the controller, and to Eddie - who was trying not to laugh - and suddenly threw the controller straight at the telly. The screen shattered, and the set blew up.

"It's not FAIR! Richie yelled. "Why do I always lose EVERYTHING!" He kicked the smoking telly, fuming with anger, but as he turned to face a bemused Eddie, he sputtered with laughter.

Eddie walked over to Richie, and gave him a kiss on the mouth. "Stop talking bollocks, Richie." he said shortly, before giving him another kiss.


	4. Chapter 4: On a date

Prompt 4: Imagine your OTP on a date.

**A/N: Trigger warnings for attempted suicide, but I hope it isn't too depressing.**

* * *

The dining table was virtually unrecognisable: a near-white tablecloth covered its scratched, chipped surface; a large candle had been placed in its centre; glasses, plates, cutlery and a bottle of wine were organised so two places were laid out; and the recently installed dimmer switch had been turned, making the whole room rather dark. Richie stepped backwards to admire his work, rubbing his hands together excitedly, and glanced at the clock.

"He should be here soon." Richie giggled in anticipation, hoping Eddie would love it. It wasn't a special occasion, but he had noticed that Eddie had been quite down recently, and Richie wanted to give him a surprise to cheer him up, hence the dining table's appearance.

A sudden ringing sound made Richie jump, and he ran to switch off his egg timer, before pulling a baking tray out of the oven, causing thick, black smoke to pour into the kitchen.

"Oh, shiiiiiit." Richie moaned, looking down at the baking tray, which used to contain a roast chicken, but now only a small, charred lump of ash. Sighing, he tipped it out of the window and threw the baking tray into the sink. _What am I going to do now? _he pondered, before shrieking as he heard the front door bang. "Don't come in, Eddie." He called desperately, raking through the contents of the fridge.

"Why?" Eddie called back as he turned the drawing room door handle, thinking Richie was just joking with him. "Are you having a wa- bloody hell, Rich!" Eddie cried as he saw the dining table, wondering what the hell was going on.

Richie removed his head from the fridge and turned to look at Eddie, hastily trying to pull off his stained apron. "Hello, Eddie." He said nervously.

"What's all this about?" Eddie asked, gesturing towards the table.

Richie looked down, blushing slightly. "It was meant to be a treat, but I burned the food." He grinned sheepishly.

"So what's new?" Eddie joked, but he saw Richie glare at him, and mumbled "Sorry." apologetically. Eddie suddenly thought of what to do, and his face lit up. "I'll be back in a minute, Richie." He grinned, and rushed out of the flat.

Richie, thinking Eddie had ran off to the pub, sighed heavily. "Well, he won't be back for bloody hours." He huffed, staring around the flat. _This is effing marvelous. I try to give him a lovely tea - and it goes bloody wrong and then Eddie bloody buggers off to the pub! _"I don't know why I effing bother!" he yelled to the empty flat. He felt a lump begin to develop in his throat. Richie swallowed hard to stop himself sobbing. _He obviously doesn't care about me - his bloody alcohol will always come first. _He felt totally depressed, and couldn't help himself glancing towards the oven, _No one would miss me, and it would be over quickly. _Unlike any other time he'd felt like this, Richie really wanted to do it, and he found himself walking towards the oven.

Placing his hand on his chest to feel his pounding heart beat, Richie remembered he was wearing his locket, and pulled it over his head. The steel, circular locket, which opened to reveal a photo that they had taken in a photo booth, had been given to him for his birthday, and Richie treasured it, but he remembered how Eddie had hurt him, and threw it across the room. The locket broke in half as it smashed into the wall, but Richie didn't care; He kneeled down, switched on the oven, and stuck his head straight into it. He initially didn't breathe, he couldn't hold his breath for long, and when his chest felt read to explode, Richie had to inhale - but his head swam and he choked violently, before his vision blurred and he passed out.

* * *

Eddie ran up the steps to the front door, a bag of fish and chips in his hand, wanting to get them back home before they went cold. He couldn't believe that Richie had tried so hard to make them a romantic meal, but Richie burning the food was nothing new, for he was an awful cook.

As Eddie entered the flat, he smelled something strange, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was. Heading into the drawing room to investigate, Eddie was hit by the smell, now much stronger, and saw two pieces of metal and a chain lying on the floor. Kneeling down, Eddie saw that they were the two halves of Richie's locket, and he looked up again, now noticing that the air was wavering slightly. Eddie could almost hear the cogs turning in his mind as he tried to think of what all this meant. _Richie loves my locket, so he must be pissed off with me to break it,_ he thought, _and I think that smell is...GAS! Which means..._

Eddie looked over at the oven, where Richie was slumped, face down, on the floor, head and shoulders right inside it. He wasn't moving.

"Shit!" Eddie yelled, rushing over to him. Using his feet, Eddie smashed the windows, before switching off the gas, and dragging Richie away from the oven by his feet. "Rich?" he said cautiously, shaking Richie's shoulders, panicking when he got no response from the still unconscious Richie. "Wake up you bastard!" he yelled, punching Richie in the face.

Eddie couldn't breathe - Richie looked dead, and maybe, he was dead. Stumbling to his feet, Eddie ran to the phone and dialled 999, before hurrying back over to Richie and crouching down beside him, praying that he wasn't already dead.

* * *

Richie slowly opened his eyes, watching the ceiling above him fade in and out of focus, and wondering where he was, for it smelled far too clean to be his own bed. He could feel something sticking up his nose, but forgot about it as he tried to breathe, for the action burned his throat, and his lungs felt so tight that they barely expanded, leaving him breathless. Sensing that someone was there, Richie turned his head to the side, and saw Eddie sat next to him.

Eddie looked as if he had been crying, and Richie could see Eddie was holding something in one of his clenched fists. "Hello, Richie." He said weakly.

"Hello, Ed-" Richie cut himself off as he began to cough violently, unable to draw breath, eyes watering madly. Eddie yelled for a nurse before rubbing Richie's back and whispering soothingly that he was going to be alright.

When the nurse ran into the room, she found Richie unconscious, and Eddie shaking him almost violently, screaming his name.

"Calm down." She said firmly, and Eddie tried to stop screaming. "What happened?" she asked, looking at the ECG machine. Eddie hadn't even realised before that there were electrodes stuck to Richie's bare, hairless chest, which led to an ECG machine to record his heart rate.

"He, uh, he started coughing and fainted because he couldn't breathe." Eddie explained, struggling to breathe properly himself.

The nurse picked up Richie's notes and read them aloud. "Richard Richard, aged thirty five... attempted suicide by gas inhalation... nasal cannula being used to reverse hypoxia." She paused, looking from Richie, to Eddie, whose eyes had filled with tears, but didn't say anything about it. "I think I know what it is," she said, allowing Eddie to sigh with relief. "The gas may have irritated Mr Richard's lungs, and he may be experiencing asthma because of it. I'll just put him in the recovery position, and then I'll get him an inhaler." she explained, rolling Richie onto his side, before leaving the room.

Eddie sat down beside the bed, listening to Richie's wheezy, laboured breaths, unable to believe that Richie would try to kill himself so suddenly. Placing the broken locket in Richie's hand, Eddie leaned forwards and gave Richie's clammy forehead a kiss, before running out of the room, knowing how to show Richie how much he cared about him. Remembering he'd forgotten the locket, Eddie ran back into the room, picked it up, and ran off again, wanting to get back before Richie awoke.

* * *

"Wakey, wakey." Eddie said softly as he saw Richie's eyes open again. before Richie had a chance to speak, Eddie blurted. "I need to tell you this before you faint again, Rich. I love you, and I wasn't trying to hurt you - I was just going to get us fish and chips, for God's sake!" Eddie felt a lump rising in his throat, and swallowed hard.

"Really?" Richie asked, before beginning to cough again.

"Yes - now breathe in." Eddie said as he shoved the inhaler in Richie's mouth and sprayed the drugs down his throat. He counted to ten, and then told Richie tp exhale. although he grimaced at the foul taste, Richie stopped coughing, and found it much easier to breathe. Eddie saw Richie staring at the blue piece of plastic, and said, "The nurse got it for you, Rich, its to help you breathe properly, just like the tubes up your nose."

"Oh, Eddie!" Richie cried, easing himself upright to look at Eddie properly, eyes filling with tears. "I'm sorry for being so stupid." He chuckled weakly.

"I'm sorry too, mate." Eddie replied, leaning to kiss Richie softly on the lips. "Look." He said when they pulled apart, gesturing to the table at the foot of Richie's bed. The small, wheeled, table had a bottle of wine, two glasses, and a packet of chocolate hobnobs on it, along with the now whole locket.

Richie started sobbing, unable to speak.

"You see, Richie," Eddie began, rubbing Richie's back. "Our date at home didn't really work, so I thought I'd surprise you now." He looked at Richie, taking in his sweaty face, greasy hair, grubby clothes, electrode covered chest, and the cannula up his nose, and thought that, despite his appearance, Richie was absolutely beautiful.

"Thank you, Eddie." Richie smiled at his boyfriend, before taking a sip of wine, slipping the locket over his head, and giving Eddie a kiss.


	5. Chapter 5: Kissing

Prompt 5: Imagine your OTP kissing.

* * *

"This really is SHIT, isn't it?" Richie moaned as he and Eddie sat watching a documentary on the telly, for that was the only thing on, other than an Emmerdale Farm omnibus, which they had already seen, Neighbours, which they hated, and the news, which Eddie found so boring he would rather sit and look at the gas meter.

"Yes, Richie. But what would you expect of a documentary about weather patterns." Eddie replied wearily. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Eddie yelled, "I can't watch this!" and switched off the telly, knowing that if they had left it on much longer, he probably would have kicked the telly in frustration. He sighed heavily, "Now what?"

"I don't know." Richie muttered defensively.

"Crossword?" Eddie suggested.

"No way, Edward Hitler!" Richie shouted. "Because the last time I did a crossword with you, you got pissed off, yelled at me, and ripped the newspaper in half, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." Eddie chuckled slightly, remembering how boring the evening had been. It was always boring when there was nothing to telly, which was far too often nowadays. "What time is it?" He asked.

Richie checked his watch, "Half past seven."

"Right then." Eddie said, standing up and clapping his hands together. "I'm going down the Lamb and Flag."

"Please, Eddie." Richie stood up too, taking Eddie's arm. "Don't go." He leaned forwards and kissed Eddie on the lips.

Eddie sighed again, but pulled Richie rather roughly towards him by the neck, and kissed him harder. He heard Richie moan, and grinned into the kiss, before sticking his tongue into Richie's mouth. But this caused Richie to pulled away from him, breathing heavily.

"Why did you do that, Eddie?" Richie asked innocently, not understanding what French kissing was.

Eddie shook his head fondly. "Because it feels good." was all he could think of, before snogging Richie again. He put one hand on the back of Richie's head, fisting Richie's collar length hair, and ran his other hands up and down Richie's back, provoking more moans from his boyfriend.

Richie had never imagine that kissing could feel like this, Eddie's hands were sending shivers of pleasure down his spine, and as he copied Eddie, rubbing his back in the same way, he found Eddie moaning slightly too. Soon working out how to do it, Richie moved his tongue into Eddie's mouth, wondering how doing something so disgusting felt to amazing. He whimpered slightly as Eddie moved his hand down his back and rested it on his bottom. Shivering in pleasure, Richie leaned into Eddie as the bald man continued to kiss him, mouth moving from his mouth, to his neck, and then back to his lips, involuntarily rasing his leg and resting it against Eddie's hip.

Eddie wanted to laugh as he felt Richie's leg against his, unable to believe how much of a girl Richie could be. Wanting more than just a kiss, albeit a passionate one, Eddie began to unbutton Richie's shirt, seeing that Richie's nipples were erect through the fabric, and guessing Richie wanted to go further to. But as he undid the top button, Richie pushed him away, panting, looking worried.

"I don't want you to do that, Eddie." He said firmly. He had loved it - but was a bit scared, and anyway, the last time he got this close to having sex, he'd ended up in hospital, and he didn't want that to happen again.

Richie didn't sound very convincing - he was trembling with testosterone, and there was a suspicious bulge in his trousers. "Why not, Richie."

"I'm scared." He whispered, embarrassed.

Sighing, Eddie thumped back down on the sofa, staring at the blank telly screen. "Oh, ok then." He said coldly.

"I'm sorry, Eddie." Richie sat down beside him, wondering if he had pissed Eddie off. He tried to kiss Eddie on the cheek, but Eddie punched him in the face, the force of the punch knocking him off of the sofa. Holding his cheek, Richie cried indignantly, "What was that for?" He looked so hurt, that Eddie began to feel guilty.

"Oh, look, Rich, I'm sorry." He muttered, pulling Richie to his feet. "I was just disappointed."

"I'll be ready for it one day, Eddie, I promise." Richie said, smiling slightly.

"But is kissing alright?" Eddie asked, and as soon as Richie nodded, he pulled him into another, passionate kiss.


	6. Chapter 6: Wearing each other's clothes

Prompt 6: Imagine your OTP wearing each other's clothes.

* * *

Eddie, slumped backwards on the sofa, gazing at the blank telly screen as if there actually was a programme on ut, jumped as Richie slammed the front door. He sighed, the bastard was obviously in a bad mood.

"Having a little nap, are we, Eddie?" Richie called irritably, stomping into the living room. " I told you to put the oven on so I could cook the food as soon as I got back - but you haven't even done that, have you?" He dumped the six shopping bags he was holding on the table, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to sooth the deep, red ridges in their palms.

Eddie noticed this, but ignored it, instead was drawn to Richie's appearance. Richie was soaked. His hair was stuck flat to his head, droplets of water dripping onto his face; his clothes were saturated; his shoes were obviously full of water, for they made a revolting squelching sound when he walked; and Richie was shivering violently, teeth chattering loudly. Eddie hadn't even noticed it wad raining, but now, when he listened hard, he could hear the the raindrops beating against the windows. Feeling slightly bad for Richie, who had gone food shopping despite the torrential rain, Eddie made towards him, but when he got close enough, Richie kicked him in the bollocks, glaring down at Eddie as he sank to his knees, holding himself.

"You selfish bastard!" Richie hissed, storming upstairs. Hurriedly shrugging off his sopping clothes, Richie pulled on his pyjamas, still shivering, and dumped his clothes in a soggy pile on the bare floorboards. He went back downstairs and into the bathroom, where Richie grabbed a musty towel and rubbed his soaked hair until it was just damp. Throwing the towel into the bathtub, still thoroughly pissed off, Richie reluctantly went back into the kitchen, preparing to do _all_ the unpacking himself, for he was sure that a certain lazy bastard would still be sat on the sofa, doing bugger all.

What he saw, however, shocked Richie into a rare silence. Eddie was actually unpacking the carrier bags, and attempting to put the shopping away. Even though Eddie was putting the food away in the wrong places - not surprising when he considered that Eddie had never done this before - Richie couldn't help feeling grateful. Turing around, Eddie saw Richie, and noticed he was still shivering violently.

"Are you cold, Richie?" Eddie asked, not sounding remotely sarcastic, just sympathetic.

Richie didn't reply, he just raised his eyebrows, trying not to laugh, for he wanted Eddie to think he was still pissed off. But, as he continued to shiver, it was obvious to Eddie that the answer was 'yes'.

Walking over, Eddie gently touched Richie's cheek, making Richie flinch away from him, still acting annoyed. "You're freezing, Rich."

Richie flipped, so pissed off he no longer had to fake being irritated with his lazy boyfriend. "Well I would be, wouldn't I?" Richie yelled, sounding like he wanted to cry as he remembered why he was annoyed in the first place. "I've been out in the bloody rain!" Another shiver confirmed this.

"Sit down, Rich." Eddie said, pushing Richie towards the sofa, where he threw a blanket at him.

Richie smiled gratefully, but still couldn't warm up. Watching Eddie switch on the oven, Richie was surprised to see Eddie come over, holding his coat.

"Put this on, Rich - I know yours is soaked."

Standing up, Richie pulled Eddie's coat on, but found a lump pressing against his chest. He dug into the pocket, and found a glass of beer had been concealed inside Eddie's coat. Holding it up, Richie gave Eddie a what-the-hell-is-this-doing-here look, eyes widening.

Chuckling, Eddie said, "I wondered where that had gone." An ecstatic look on his face, Eddie downed the booze in seconds, licking his lips. He buttoned up the coat for Richie, before rubbing his hands up and down Richie's arms to generate heat. "Any better?" He asked.

Richie, sighing in ecstasy, kissed Eddie softly, and whispered, "Much better.", a perverted grin on his pale face.


	7. Chapter 7: In fancy dress

Prompt 7: Imagine your OTP cosplaying.

* * *

"Oh, come on, Eddie." Richie pleaded, standing next to the bathroom door, arms folded impatiently. The door was locked; Eddie was refusing to come out.

"No way, I look ridiculous." Eddie winged.

"Well I do too - but we have to enter the spirit of fancy dress parties, don't we?" Richie called through the chipped wood, looking down at himself. He wasn't joking - he really did look ridiculous: his chubby body was covered with a Robin costume, which was clearly too small for him, for the costume hugged his fat stomach, and the tights did nothing for his chubby thighs. Even though Richie clearly loved himself, he was unable to hide the fact that he did look stupid, for he could see that this costume was making someone as obviously attractive as himself look fat, and just plain idiotic.

But he was prepared to go outside looking like this to go to the Lamb and Flag's party. Dick Head was turning forty years old, and was throwing a fancy dress party at his pub and, as Eddie was Dick's biggest customer, and Richie was Eddie's partner, it wasn't very surprising that the pair of them had been invited. Having been very drunk at the time, Eddie had bought the pair of them Batman and Robin costumes, only realising how stupid the costumes looked when he woke up the next morning, but it was too late to get a refund - so they were stuck with them.

"Eddie?" Richie moaned, kneeling down - a painful action when wearing tights - and peering through the keyhole. Clearly not remembering what had happened to him the last time, Richie suddenly screamed as Eddie poked him in the eye through the keyhole. Clutching his face, Riche rolled on the floor, whimpering in pain.

"I said I'm not coming out, Richie." Eddie insisted, but he began to feel guilty at the sound of Richie sobbing, and, sighing, reluctantly opened the door to have a look.

Richie looked at Eddie with his good eye - and burst into a hysterical laughing fit. Eddie had a right to feel stupid in his costume, because he looked it. Although Eddie had the advantage of not being fat over Richie, his costume was even tighter, and, what really topped it off for Richie, was that Eddie wore his glasses over the top of the mask, looking unbelievably silly.

"Oh shut up, you great, fat git." Eddie snapped, his tone of voice shocking Richie into silence.

Looking put out, Richie clamoured to his feet. He just gave Eddie his patented I'm-pissed-off-with-you face, and didn't speak.

"What do we do if people see us?" Eddie asked, finally agreeing to go, but unable to admit this to Richie.

"We'd say, 'Oh bugger off and mind you're own business, you git! At least we've got social lives and don't spend our lives vegetating in front of Emmerdale Farm!' and if they had a problem, we'd punch them in the face." Richie cried over dramatically, looking pleased with himself at his outburst. He glanced at his watch. "We'd better hurry up, Eddie, or we'll be really late, not just fashionably late." He tried to take Eddie's hand, attempting to drag the bald man after him, but Eddie fought against him, still reluctant. Sighing, Richie said, "Dick's giving out free booze, you know, Eddie."

The effect this had on Eddie was instantaneous; he ran straight out of the flat, dragging Richie behind him.

* * *

Every person in the pub looked up as Eddie and Richie burst in; Eddie grinning in anticipation, Richie panting, face drenched in sweat. A wide range of costumes were being exhibited, and you could tell, by how ridiculous their costumes were, who had been pissed whist buying them. Walking over to the bar, Eddie began chatting to Dave Hedgehog, sporting an afro wig and a sequin covered suit, and Spudgun, whose face was covered in streaks of paint, obviously his attempt at being a Native American. Mrs Potato, better known as Spudgun's mother, was slumped beside them, her skimpy clothing telling both Eddie and Richie that she had come as a stripper, a sight that made them both want to vomit.

Once again being ignored by Eddie in public, Richie turned to Dick, dressed as a cowboy, and gave him a creepy smile.

Face deadpan, Dick said, "Absinthe, my poofy friend?" He suggested, eyebrows raised. Dick knew Richie was gay, and it didn't really bother him - but that didn't mean he couldn't wind him up.

Knowing Dick was correct, Richie couldn't really argue back, so he just shrugged lightly. "Nah, it was disgusting. Can I just have a coke?" He asked, and Dick turned around to get him one. Giving Dick a quick nod of thanks, Richie took the bottle and glass and patted Eddie on the back, totally interrupting his conversation about road signs with Spudgun.

"What is it, Rich?" Eddie asked, sounding slightly irritable.

"I wanted to know if you wanted some of my coca-cola, Eddie." Richie explained. "Hello Spudgun, Dave Hedgehog and Mrs Potato." He added, smiling slightly psychically at them all in turn.

Spudgun and Dave both grinned nervously back, not wanting to offend the psycho, but Mrs Potato, who hated Richie, scowled at him.

"Nah, I'm alright, Richie." Eddie said dismissively, turning his back on Richie.

Richie was so annoyed, he was only here because Eddie had been invited - taking Richie as his guest - but now Eddie was just ignoring him. Was he embarrassed by him? Deciding to test this worrying theory, Richie suddenly grabbed Eddie by the chin and kissed him softly on the mouth. But, to his horror, Eddie pushed him away, looking embarrassed.

"Not now, Richie." He hissed. Spudgun and Dave were used to Richie and Eddie kissing in front of them, and weren't really phased by it, but Mrs Potato had never seen this before.

"Hah - the bloke who tried to feel me up's a poof!" She announced to the pub. "Did you know, son?" She asked Spudgun, who mumbled that he did and he didn't really care. "Good for you, Eddie, I wouldn't put up for it either." She said to Eddie, who was avoiding looking at Richie, for his boyfriend was trembling, partly from anger and partly from humiliation.

"Eddie is my boyfriend." Richie muttered, voice completely calm, but his body shook with the effort of suppressing his emotions.

Eddie hurried over to the bar, where he ordered a pint of Malibu from Dick, who was focusing on Richie and Mrs Potato rather than serving drinks. Gulping it down, the alcohol almost immediately affected his judgement, and he decided to do something about Richie.

"...Well I don't care, I love him, he loves me-" Richie was shouting, sounding near tears.

"How could anybody love you, you're disgusting.?" Mrs Potato retorted. She sounded totally pissed, but Richie still believed her; he had to swallow hard to stop himself sobbing aloud.

"Excuse me, Mrs Po-Potato," Eddie butted in, slurring heavily. Richie's face lit up at the sound of his voice. "But can you shut up, please?" Stumbling, Eddie put his arm around Richie's cape covered shoulders, leaning into him so much that Richie nearly fell over. "This," He said, attempting to point at Richie, but actually poking him in the face. "is my b-boyfriend, and I think he looks quite cute in his costume." Eddie grinned at Richie.

Mrs Potato raised her eyebrows, but left it at that, and Richie and Eddie enjoyed the rest of their evening, occasionally sharing a chaste kiss. The only person who didn't enjoy it was Dick, whose pub was bled dry by Eddie, leaving the landlord wondering: how could the bastard drink so much?


End file.
